Stuck is a Starting Point: How to Hear Your Own Voice in a Noisy World
Stuck is a Starting Point: How to Hear Your Own Voice in a Noisy World
There is a delicate balance between our genuine needs vs our perceived needs. When these two are out of balance we are burdened with false wants. Finding a true balance for oneself requires the courage of self-examination. Few will muster the courage required for brutal self-honesty. The brave few willing to undertake this examination will be setting off on a journey of epic proportions. As with any journey, the road will not be smooth and straight. Obstacles we curse along our journey contain the seeds of our growth. What frustrates and breaks us is also where we discover our strength. We are stronger and more resilient than we often realize.
For my OCD friends, do not confuse comfortable with complacency. Those who are privileged to reach the zone of comfortable find themselves easily more productive. They are often busier engaging in activities that bring them joy. The surprise for many will be how productivity is newly defined. Being productive becomes more personal. The way being productive is defined will be personalized and less dependent on external expectations. You may find yourself prioritizing time with friends and loved ones, solitude, avocations, mental and physical health, or the goals you set for a day. For example, defining success primarily on monetary gains often has a limited life span. For those that blindly chase money it is easy to lose yourself along the way. The question of “how much is enough” fades into “you cannot have too much”. Having a productive day may be based on contacts with others, time spent with your child, or playing. Productivity will mirror one’s own agency rather than a false narrative from outside sources. This is when mindfulness is essential to maintain your personal connection to productivity.
Magic happens when you truly recognize and acknowledge what you really want out of life. In simple terms your life will change. Many will find new careers, avocations, passions, and relationships. Too many of us get stuck in life until we are just passengers on the train. It is far too easy to fall into the trap of going after what you think you want. The chase is at first energizing and exciting. With fading excitement energy levels fall. With time we become accustomed to the low energy and dullness in our soul. Routines take over and each day mirrors the next. The excited feeling of starting a new day fades beyond memory. The “when” syndrome takes over. I will finally be happy when… You fill in the blank. Problem with the “when” syndrome is that the “when” never comes. There is an unending string of “when this happens, “when I get this”, “when I have this” and on and on. If the goals do not match your true personal desires there will never be enough “when this or that happens I will be happy”.
Clearly seeing our genuine passions and desires is only revealed with a clarity of mind. Attending to the present opens your eyes. With a focus on the present the mind is less open to intrusive thoughts leading to reactive emotions ranging from doubt, fear, anxiety, over-confidence, anger, etc. Blocking out these intrusive thoughts is only part of the solution. To achieve a balance between your actual needs and those coming from outside you need clarity of mind. With a quiet mind you will begin to hear your own voice. When you hear your own voice an honest conversation can begin. Outside voices have been silenced and you no longer attend to a neurotic inner voice of self-doubt. Congratulations, you are now practicing mindfulness.
Having joy in your life cannot be overrated. To be at peace with yourself and how you are spending your short time on this planet is a wealth too few experience. If you are feeling stuck do not despair. You might be in the exact right spot! For many of us it is when we are feeling the most stuck is when we are the most open to change. Feeling stuck emerges from a loss of control with few to no options. New ideas grow only when old ideas are pushed aside. When you feel out of options is when you are most likely to be open to new ideas. If you feel stuck in life I encourage you to be mindful of the present and be open to new ideas. Being stuck does not have to be permanent.
A wise mentor once told me “there are only two goals on the journey to self-discovery”. First, be relentlessly honest about what you find. Leave no stone unturned regarding who you are at the core of your being. Second, accept what you find as the truth based on your self-honesty. Be mindful, the second goal is not an end goal and certainly not an act of blanket acceptance. Achieving the second goal allows you to know your strengths and weaknesses. The knowledge of our strengths and weaknesses gives us the starting point. It is from knowing our strengths and weaknesses that we can rely on our strengths and know when our weaknesses are taking control.
When we are ready to begin each of us will have a uniquely individual journey on the road to becoming comfortable in life. Thankfully, there is common ground many of us will encounter. In many ways humans share more alike than they sometimes want to admit. Stripping away the cultural differences reveals a commonality among humans. We share many of the same desires for safety, peace of mind, companionship, joy, and feeling free to be ourselves. Learning from others is part of the transformation. Those that have come before a wise traveler are a valuable source of information. The knowledge of what to expect passed on from those that have made the transition is helpful. The common ground we share as fellow humans will be crossed in different ways depending on each person’s needs. What are some common themes many of us will encounter?
Two themes everyone encounters are money and objects. Money and our cultural obsession with collecting objects are intertwined. It is not uncommon for you to find yourself in a place where you are working to support the objects in your life. Is your pay supporting toys, vacation homes, wardrobes, and the like instead of supporting you? Finding oneself working to support a lifestyle without time leads to frustration and resentment. What good is a boat, RV, vacation home, garage full of toys, money for airfare and travel, without the time? Time is the constant that waits for no one while moving along unimpeded.
Relationships with friends, loved ones, and casual acquaintances are re-evaluated. Not all relationships will survive the transition. Only those that add value and enhance your life will survive the transition. In the end we only need a handful of truly reliable relationships in our lives. It is normal for relationships to have a lifespan. Short term relationships can be valuable and serve a useful purpose at certain times in our life. Only a cherished few relationships will survive a lifetime. Moving on from relationships we have outgrown or no longer bring value to our lives is the healthy alternative. Staying in relationships based on obligation can be draining and even toxic at times.
All that we have talked about can be undertaken at any time during our lifetime. It is absolutely never too late to make the transition. Bringing joy to your life and following your true passions are invaluable if undertaken early in life or in our later years. Who among us can measure the value of living your comfortable life whether for years or just your final years?
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