A PICTURE IS NOT A PERSON AND A REEL IS NOT A CONNECTION
by Gary Calhoun
No one ever said, “After scrolling through countless images of the most appetizing desserts, I could not eat another bite”. We all know even the most amazing dessert images could never satisfy a sweet tooth.
We have to ask ourselves why w0uld we think interacting with countless online digital relationships would meet our need for belonging? If you are familiar with Maslow’s hierarchy of needs you know a need for belonging immediately follows our physical and safety needs. Maslow’s hierarchy exhibits how much human need for belonging is by placing it just above basic survival needs.
Many of are aware of the shorter life span among people with little to no connection with others. Remember the classic tales of the old crazy man or woman living alone in the abandoned-looking big house. The desire to belong is built into our DNA. Many think that Darwin’s theory of evolution is about the strongest surviving. In fact, the theory focuses on the need for cooperation in a species in order to adapt and survive. Adapting and surviving is never a solo endeavor. Managing life is never a job best managed without help.
A dessert needs to be tasted, smelled, observed, and taken in with all our senses to be fully enjoyed. Connections also require engagement on many levels. Connections are meant to evoke in us a feeling of belonging. Deep down inside we all know how important it is to be a part of something outside ourselves.
We are in a time when many of us are sadly connected to our devices. Through these devices we hope to find something that makes our lives meaningful. Searching for a sense of belonging in the digital world is akin to chasing a dream never to be realized.
If you are among the countless people looking for connections remember you are not alone. The secret to cultivating a sense of belonging is no secret. The path is as old as the human race.
We must get outside ourselves and enter spaces with other warm bodied humans. Strong and meaningful connections are built across all our sense modalities. How many can recall the smell of your childhood kitchen and the emotions this smell brings to the surface? Many of us can connect with the smell of a person’s perfume in the same emotional way. We connect with the feeling of touch. Touch can range from romantic to the comfort of a familiar hug or handshake. The sound of a dear one’s voice can evoke feelings. A common fear after losing a loved one is that we will forget what they looked like and their memory be lost. The emotions arising from the fear of losing such an important memory is testament to the importance of real connections. The most powerful paths of true connection with another human cannot be experienced through a screen.
If you want to experience belonging you have to get out into the world. Fortunately for the introverts among us, building a sense of belonging is not about numbers. You can have a strong sense of belonging with attachment to a select few. The attachment has to be with another human in the flesh. This can be daunting if you have been out of circulation after retreating to the false safety and comfort of your screen. Keep in mind the longer you wait the more daunting the task can seem. Change is never easy. Making connections does get easier with time as the confidence that comes with belonging nurtures our courage.
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