Are You Conflicted?
Are You Conflicted?
Of course, you are conflicted or will be at some point in time today. Being conflicted may be as simple as the routine “what’s for dinner” discussion. Fortunately, most internal conflicts quickly resolve with only a trace of frustration. Being conflicted over where to eat out, what movie to see, or what to watch on TV all take time and energy from our day. You may find yourself paying more attention to these minor daily annoyances than the big ones needing your attention. These unresolved conflicts rattling around in our head is sapping your energy day and night. Being conflicted about relationships, careers, home life, or your direction in life are the kind needing our attention. Too often the conflicts festering inside are pushed out of sight, but not out of mind.
The most skilled life warriors are adept at avoiding most conflicts. The ability to avoid unnecessary conflict is indeed a strength. Let’s face it, many potential conflicts we encounter in daily life are not worth the time or effort. True life warriors understand the distinction between needless conflicts and those needing to be addressed. The reality is there are some conflicts even the most skilled life warriors cannot avoid. We must deal with these conflicts or they become repressed inner conflicts. These are the types of conflicts that are the silent thieves draining our energy even in our sleep.
It’s our nature as humans to avoid conflicts that have no easy fix. The problem lies in the amount of energy and life force these suppressed conflicts consume daily. The energy drain from unresolved conflicts is like electronic devices on standby constantly draining energy. One night I could not sleep and wandered into the kitchen. I was amazed at the number of blue lights illuminating the house. Little devices, charging stations, electronics, all shinning that little blue light waiting to come alive. No single device consumes that much energy, but combined they are thieves in the night. Just like these little blue lights there is no free lunch when it comes to avoiding necessary conflicts. The energy consumed by unresolved conflicts is real. These hidden gremlins hold us back more than you think.
Unresolved internal conflicts take a physical toll. You may not always make the connection between these nagging lingering issues and appetite changes, weight gain, poor sleep, and low energy. Along with the physical toll there is the mental energy being drained by unresolved conflicts. Poor concentration, negative thinking, and just being preoccupied can cloud over the best of days.
The obvious solution is to resolve those pesky internal conflicts. With such an obvious answer why do we tend to put them aside in hopes they will simply go away or somehow resolve themselves? For many of us the answer is as simple as wanting to avoid the unknown. How often have we heard ourselves say “I just don’t want to deal with it”? Ignoring these internal conflicts is only hurting yourself. Is it not better to save yourself and face the conflict?
Some conflicts, particularly ones involving other people, can be tricky. The difficulty does not go away with time. In most cases the difficulty increases with time. When we do come upon the immovable force that wants to keep the conflict alive, letting it go and walking away may be the smartest move. It is more important to restore your mental well-being. Keep in mind that there will be some people in our lives that thrive on conflict. For these folks conflict is like oxygen. These individuals have to be the first on the need to distant list. There are billions of people on the planet so there is no need to keep toxic people in our lives.
We have been talking about unresolved interpersonal conflicts. And, as we all know, some conflicts reside within a person, rather than between individuals. Internal conflicts are often fueled by indecision around personal choices such as career choices, living choices, purchase choices, etc. These types of internal conflicts are often more easily resolved than we think. Overthinking is the breath that keeps many internal conflicts alive and well. There are times when we are called to make a decision based on the information we have and move on with life. There may be regrets at times, but these regrets are far less troublesome than the state of being unresolved. Give yourself a break and just make a decision. Catastrophic decisions are rare in life. The freedom you get from moving on often far outweighs any minor regrets.
To move through life, unburdened by nagging internal conflicts is a wonderfully freeing experience. Y0u become more present in your awareness and more open to new experiences. Your sense of belonging increases dramatically as you are able to be present with those that matter. Ask yourself, do I want to move through life carrying unnecessary burdens or experience life free of needless distress?