Gary Calhoun

At the end of the day, we have much in common. Every day each of us has to navigate life. From the time we wake up until sleep overtakes us at the end of our day life is happening. No matter where you are or what you are doing your mind is reacting to your surroundings. You may be deep in an isolated jungle, walking the streets of a big city, crossing open fields, or crossing a wide ocean; there is no avoiding life.

Our mind and senses are constantly bombarded with the sights, sounds, and smells that define our present moment. Further complicating the situation is the presence of other humans occupying our space. Our fellow humans are also experiencing the constant flood of stimuli washing over their senses.

Our reactions to this wave of stimuli depends entirely on what we do with all this information. What our mind does with the signals bombarding us is in our control. The result of what we do with the multitude of information coming at us becomes our reaction to the world. Being humans this reaction can range from benign indifference to rage. In other words, we will typically react with a degree of emotion. Our reactions will range from helpful to destructive.

There are three ways you might process the information flooding in, and the results could not be more different from one another. How you respond will make all the difference to those around you and most importantly to your own well-being.

First, the easiest and most common reaction to what or who is interacting with us is to “Let it Out”. That is to just let all the stimulus in the environment, words being spoken, and the reactions of others to just enter us unfiltered. With this approach we have rendered almost all control to outside forces. The beauty of this approach is that it requires minimal thinking or work on our part. Our role is to react with little thinking. Sometimes this works out just fine. The word “sometimes” is what needs our attention. With this scenario we are relying a lot on chance.

Reactions born from the “Let it Out” approach will have a wide range from subdued to rageful. These reactions may be spot on or way out in left field. The reaction comes at great speed with little time to travel through a thinking brain. It is no wonder that this is the default reaction for many of us.

Second, we have the “Let it In” approach which can do the most damage to the receiver. With this approach you simply let it all in and keep it in. What you let in remains unfiltered. You simply stuff all your emotional responses and bury them deep. The natural outcome of this approach is that eventually you explode outwardly and implode from all the stuffed distress. This process slowly eats away at your well-being. Over time you will experience physical and mental decay as the distress eats away at your physical and mental health. Think of all these stuffed reactions as energy slowly eating away the possibility for living a peaceful life.

Third, is the “Let it be” approach. This is by far the most powerful and healthy response strategy. Unfortunately, this is also the most difficult to master. Do not be mistaken; this is not a form of passivity. The power of this approach is the freedom and control you experience daily. Control of your inner life and most importantly your mind resides within you. Once you master the “Let it be” approach a new world opens up where distress, troubled thoughts, sleepless nights, anxiety, and unhappiness become rare visitors.

Our “Let it be” skills set us apart from the masses of people we come into contact with in life. What these skills allow us to do is to be thoughtful and in control of how we respond to the world rather than reacting. The most difficult task for most people seeking to master these skills is learning to be mindful. Mindful is a simple concept in itself. As is often true in life, simple does not mean easy or even common.

To master mindfulness, one has to devote time to training one’s mind. Before you can train your mind you have to quiet your mind. Mastering the state of a quiet mind is much harder than it seems. There are many paths to achieving a quiet mind. A quiet mind is free of distractions, allowing you to be wiser and more powerful in how you respond to the world you encounter every day. There are many tools one can use to master the ability to quiet one’s mind. People use diverse avenues when learning to quiet the mind. Some use traditional religious practices. Others turn to the teachings of Buddha, meditative yoga,  philosophers such as Marcus Arelius, or various individual paths. It does not matter how you learn to be mindful. Just remember you cannot expect to master “Let it be” without some structured training.

Once you master the ability to experience a quiet mind you will have access to the tools necessary to “Let it be”. Ironically, you already have the tools; you just have not been able to use them effectively and consistently. The tools we are talking about is listening, seeing, and being able to picture your world clearly. For example, with clarity it becomes obvious that most people are paying little attention to us and their interactions with us are muddied by their own inner turmoil. Every person you encounter has some distress in their lives that has nothing to do with you. Overly personalizing what we see and hear is a cancerous weakness. The ability to clearly see above the fray of life offers a truly remarkable view of the world. From this vantage point you gain control and just as importantly, clarity. With clarity comes calm.

Recall the old adage about having all the time back in life in which we worried about things that never happened. Truthfully, so much of what we worry about has a low probability of coming true. As humans we have a tendency to assign worry equally to low probability events and high probability events. In other words, so much of what we worry about is never going to happen. Besides, the worrying usually does nothing to help when the thing we are worrying about surfaces. In fact, the preemptive worrying leaves us exhausted and less prepared to cope. We go into the fray exhausted.

It is clear by now that the “Let it be” approach offers the best chance to be in charge of your inner life and lead a peaceful life. The world can actually become quite amusing at times when in the past you would have been frustrated and even angry. Here is hoping for you to become mindful, “Let it be”, and lead a more peaceful and meaningful life.

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